The Wasp

"It was good for me to be afflicted."

Psalm 119:71

And I have been afflicted lately.

Another year, another trip around the sun without you.

Last night I remembered the dream I had of you five years ago. I was crawling up a steep cliff, with the voice of a famous broadcaster from NPR who had recently died, urging me to keep climbing. Cokie Roberts kept saying, "Keep going, you can do this. Don't give up" as my muscles burned and my fingers dug into the rocks in such a palpable way that even now my hands ache remembering. Eventually, I pulled myself up onto the ledge and found myself surrounded by a circle of glowing orbs...souls there to meet me. No faces, just whitish gold auras, singing out in celebration for me.....and in the middle a tall glowing figure came toward me. Ian.... I can still feel the love as you put your arms around me and squeezed and squeezed and squeezed....tighter and tighter until I heard and felt a "POP" as your soul merged with mine, You showing me we are inseparable.

At the time I knew it was a visitation;  you showing me that forever you will be right with me, giving me the extra push to keep going and keep loving this one life. 

And so, despite my sadness, this morning I helped a wasp, stuck in my house, get a drink of water. I found her upside down; legs curled in resignation, near death. I picked her up and placed her right-side-up on the porch near the dog bowl. I dripped water near those giant eyes and I squatted waiting. In time, she moved forward enough to pull water urgently into her mouth. Antennae twitched with each long draw of water and I saw life come back. After almost an hour,  she lifted herself into the air and floated away. 

although lately all I have wanted to do is cry and rage and pull in the sky, suddenly my heart was bursting with love.

And rememberance of that dream compelled me to again invite Source into the sacred darkness of my grief, almost like a new heart or a new battery or a shot of carbonation. We are all that wasp, I guess....

I drink this in and thank you Ian and Source.