Letting the Little Ones Go

                 Dear Ian, 

  I've been painting the rails

 On the front porch.

Along the way,

 pulling out the old staples you and Chris punched in 

To hold a thousand Christmas lights 

For the last 20 years.

It stung to pull them out

Knowing you guys put them there

In the service

Of "Christmas-ing our home.

I remember

So well

You and Chris's feet thumping on the roof like reindeer 

I remember your generous spirits.

How beautiful the light were

And still are 

As Chris carries on the tradition.

The two of you put in those staples

But with a determined will

 I pulled them out anyway, 

Trying to

Renew things,

Even just a porch. 

 It was a will in me to let change happen

 Maybe a promise to myself

 To move past the time

When seeing a bent staple 

Can still conjur pain. 

To breath;

To let some other time come.

While painting,

 I  also encountered dozens of tiny spiders  

Living in the armpits of the boards. 

There was safety there, 

And plenty of insects for them, 

Until I came along with my brush. 

Some were bigger- the size of pellets or peas-intricately colored and shaped. 

They reminded me of small robots, 

Fierce and menacing to an ant, 

I would expect, 

But embarrassingly cute to me. 

The more intriguing ones

 were as tiny as specks of dirt; their life only made obvious

 By a slight wiggle or flutter of movement. 

The smallest spiders I have ever seen. 

I also found their egg sacks; white dots deposited 

On the end of stiff and vertical chitin stalks, 

As if someone had stood up tiny Qtips in symmetrical lines.

As best I could,

 I moved them, 

Painted around them 

Or shooed them away before pulling down their houses. 

They will rebuild, I'd wager. 

I probably painted over a few, for which I am sorry.

I thank them all, 

My intrusion surely made things a little harder for them,

But we all must accomodate.

So, I am writing to say

I pulled out all the staples

But I tried to let the little ones 

Go on making a living.

My way of saying

I stand for life

And I am still trying to let you go live yours.

                                                  Love, 

                                                                     Mom