Last Christmas Eve

Last Christmas Eve 2018

     Were almost passed it, right? You and I just walked to the river and I jabbered on about all the things you used to do here, the things we shared and I did feel you. I felt light and lifted, thank you darlin, you are still such a good son.

     My mind is so weak and I lose focus. but nonetheless your presence was strong and warm. I told you about Irene and I reminded you that Chris and Kenzie love you; told you all the stuff I am mad about-and you listened. You know my heart and the ebb and flow of my imperfect soul.

     I said you and I were never going to lose each other and I felt the certainty that turns a wish into reality. I said, "You are the strongest, most loyal person that I ever met.....and once you and I love, we never let go. It is our natures. That combination keeps us tight through all the ups and downs and in betweens. Through eternity. Who knows what our incarnation will be next, baby?

    We might be in a tribe together on an island off Africa, spearing annoying Christian intruders. We might be in a pod of whales pluming the depths where humans cannot go. We may be the smallest and most intricate lacewings buzzing about in the night together on some random back porch and then sleeping all day in the cracked skin of an old oak tree. We might be twin wallabies arriving together and sharing some warm mother's pouch-bit feet pushing out and then endless pounding play on a red clay savanna....We might be mother and son again, or two soldiers in a Hummer telling dirty jokes and hating the war; two astronauts, two canyon wrens with fantastic mud mansions constantly colored with the reflections of the water below.

     Where ever we end up next, we will be closer than ever because of the tears that have marked this particular life. Not that often do two souls figure out how to keep hands clasped on different planes of consciousness-not many still speak to each other so clearly or hear so well as you and I. this is at least something, right baby? And as I slowly shake off my shroud, perhaps there are even more angles to our love yet to be seen.

Love, 

Momma