Embers

 I have been thinking about Jesus....In fact wondering about Jesus happens a lot with me these days as well. I feel love and warmth when I bring Him up in my heart. I feel comfort, truth, and  connection. I feel He is present in all that is good; all that is lovely in my life. I do not feel, however, like so many of my Christian friends feel about Him. All these years of reading scripture; of praying; of asking God to lead me in paths of truth have often lead me to crave the word and essence of Christ but not to see Him as the apex of truth or the only portal by which I can reach my God. That has never worked for me.

Once my brother and I sat at his kitchen table talking and he demonstrated his view of who he believed is Jesus....He said that God is the purest, most powerful force...in fact too pure for us to even conceive.  He is an unapproachable force trying to approach us. Haha....what a conundrum...He went on....taking a tissue he draped it down from one hand, about a foot above the table, showing that we could grasp the tissue, and that it could then be grasped on the other end by God.

"It is like the sun", says my smart brother, "To powerful; too hot to touch...." 

Jesus is that tissue, he suggested..... Jesus is that conduit.. allowing us to approach our unapproachable God......an apt comparison since my brother is an electrician, and terribly smart. He has this remarkably engineering-wired brain with a spark plug for a heart and a hunger for God like I have never known in another person. 

I'd like to argue that point with him a little, from the perspective of my currently broken heart.

Why the hell would a perfect being make us, then be so damned unapproachable? Reminds me of the stupid claw arm in the glass case full of stuffed animals. It looks like it should grab one up, but alas......

 Miranda Lambert has a softer view of the sun......

Dear Old Sun

Well, you melt the snow

And you grow the roses

And you dry the tears

And you freckle noses

Our little world

Revolves around

You coming up and going down

Maybe Jesus is just an ember....a glowing promise; a nudge of possibility. Better for cooking, warming toes, curing, comforting. A place where you can sit and feel safe in a circle of others; a campfire. Reachable, touchable...if you are of a mind to try. Maybe He was more about warming our backsides than blazing us up to heaven.  

                                                                                    

Embers invite us; they ask to be fed, stirred, whispered over with a breath, before they burst forth into a fire. as if to say....

"Stir me and see what you get"

I could imagine Jesus saying that.

I guess I don't like the idea of exclusive clubs....never liked the idea that Jesus was saying we had to join the "special group" and that others without a membership card would be locked out and denied God's LOVE.

I don't think Jesus is like that...

I don't think God is like that, 

And come to think of it,  I don't think love is like that.

I rather like the idea of Jesus trying to explain to us, as he drew circles in the dirt with a stick, eyes twinkling with mirth at his own joy of talking in riddles.....maybe like this:

I am a glowing,

vibrant,

chemically charged chunk of the sun....

stir me,

put your hands close and feel the warmth,

 cook with me,

 sit by me,

 and notice how I bring you solace.  

Now,  pass it along to your friend.                                                                            

  

Not a gate-keeper as much as a scientist....

Not a judge as much as a snug blanket.....

Not a sacrifice as much as a demonstration....

A sweet, warm chunk of a living God......

Just about the right size and temperature

 for a foolish person to cup in her hands......

And I do....

.