Stopping Time

Stopping Time

Schneider

 (Change Your Mind)

"What's so funny is nobody's laughing at this change of heart you're having.

What's so funny is I'm filled up with thunder, but I can't seem to get out from under,

 all these stones you tied to my chest.

and what's so funny is the birds are singing, sun shining, 

and bells are ringing 

and I'm thinking,

 'what happened here?'

What's so funny is the way things go down.

 Like when a star dies it doesn't make a single sound.

 It's just gone, you can't find it when you look into the sky.

and I can't change your mind.

And I can't change your mind.

And I can't change your mind.

And I can't change your mind." 

Darling Son,

               

I stop time.

Turn it back entirely
I move the
Hands of the clock
Slowly backwards 
With the finger touch

Of my anguish.

Each moment 
Each memory 
A single frame 
In your life movie.

 I watch it
Over and over, Baby.

Seems these days I keep grabbing at the ribbon of time, gripping so hard to hold things still. 

Tis a strange cord 

That knits and holds all this mess together, 

This life of ours

That was.

A picture,
A story, a note,
A baseball hat,
A voice in my head,
The face of a girl you loved that still looks so sad when we talk together and remember your days. 

All these bind  time

For a minute.  I can still breath. 

Tomorrow I will be a day older, Hudson will be sitting up soon, Chris will turn 30;  Kenzie will have another baby. They will grow older and lines will dance around their eyes, but your eyes will stay young forever.

Girls you once loved will marry other boys. 

My dogs will eventually leave me and fly on to you

More people I love will come and go from my life and I cannot stop it.

You will always be 23. Your hands will be young and smooth, unmarked by time and wear.

 Age will not fade your youth or bend your back. 

How do I accept the burden of time passing? Most days I feel all this will never come to any good end; 

Maybe the ancients were right and the world is flat......

Most days I want to simply sail to the edge and tip over into nothing. 

Only the loves I still have on this sweet Earth make me want to turn back and come home to the truth of life, tough as it is.

And so it goes,

I am still here.

Time will not stay her course

Even for you and me, baby.

And I think of Leonard Cohen

And I wonder at the prickles of knowing that run up my neck

As his words tome......

"If your life is a leaf that the seasons tear off and condemn,

I will bind you with love 

That is precious

 and green

 as a stem." 

                                                                                           Love, 

                                                                                                                Mom